Posts Tagged ‘wife’

Day 59

Posted: December 11, 2013 in Zombie Days
Tags: , , ,

images23FJKRJVWould you rather be trapped in a small room with 20 ravenous walkers or your significant other who is menstruating during the apocalypse? I personally will roll the dice splitting ZOMBIE heads and see what happens. I strongly suggest that you stash a few boxes Midol and a couple chocolate bars for when the Shit hits the fan. The emotional wellbeing of most women will be psychotic at best, and to add the stress of not being able to shop and slug iced lattes will only compound the crisis at hand. Knowing this you should always make sure…

  1. You have two exits available for either your crazy woman or a ZOMBIE breach.
  2. Ear plugs may get you through the short term saying “honey I can’t think when the walkers are moaning outside” this tactic will only work for a short time before she catches on, and rest assured you will pay for it.
  3. Never stare at scantily clad female ZOMBIES when plotting an exit as she knows you are considering a sexual experience if you look for more than 5 seconds.
  4. Always remember to hold her tight and hug her regardless of neck exposure and the possibility of her biting your neck.

In short you need to always be considerate of your wife and her needs especially during the apocalypse it might just keep you alive a little longer.